


Pieces of Me

by Batsutousai



Series: FMA Ship Week Fics [14]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Canon-Typical Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/F, Future Character Death, Meet the Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7965022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/pseuds/Batsutousai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, so maybe bringing her girlfriend home over spring break to meet her family hadn't been Winry's brightest idea, but, in her defence, she'd just wanted everyone she loved to meet <i>once</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces of Me

**Author's Note:**

> For [FMA Rarepair Week on tumblr](http://fmararepairweek.tumblr.com/post/145119194635/themes). Today's prompts included _Modern AU_ and _"I have a confession to make."_.  
>  Originally meant as a dinner with the family sort of thing, for tomorrow's prompt, but it ended up not really fitting, in the end, and since today has a helpful 'Modern AU' prompt...
> 
> This is sort of a prequel to _Forgiveness is a Gift_ , but you don't need to read either one to enjoy the other. I'll do my best to fill in the backstory in the fic, but if you're confused, go ahead and ask. (I somehow ended up with a fuck-tonne of backstory for this universe, ugh. ^^; )  
> Age-wise, Winry and Ed are 17, and Lan Fan and Al are 16. Winry's on her second year of undergrad, Ling's in his first year, Al's trying to catch up on secondary studies, and Ed's insane. (He's on the first year of his PhD.) XD
> 
> This ended up focussing almost as much on Winry and Ed's relationship (friendship/siblings) as on Winry and Lan Fan's, sorry.  
>  
> 
> You can also read this at [LiveJournal](http://batsutousai.livejournal.com/366850.html).

Almost as soon as she'd invited Lan Fan to visit over spring break, Winry started having second thoughts. 

She'd only ever _sort of_ explained her past to Lan Fan, for one. Her parents dying in the civil war, of course, and that she and Ed and Al had been taken in by the Curtises. That there'd been an accident and Al'd ended up in a coma, certainly, she couldn't have hidden how worried she still was about him if she _tried_. But _how_ her parents had died, that she'd barely made it out of the east herself, the reason behind the 'accident' – that she'd found out about Ed and Al wanting to bring Auntie Trisha back, had begged and pleaded until they'd agreed to try for Granny, instead, for her – and the fact that Ed had lost his arm and leg, too, that she'd run away from home to learn her grandmother's trade... 

Well. It turned out that five months of dating might have been enough to bring her girlfriend home to meet her family, but it wasn't enough to explain the worst three years of her life, or the nightmares that woke her, screaming, more often than not. 

(There were nights – days, weeks, _months_ – when Winry wondered if there wasn't some sort of alchemy to erase her memories. But then she remembered that this was _her_ punishment, these horrible memories of seeing Al and Ed torn to pieces, of being knocked out and waking to find Ed bleeding out and Al whole, but deathly still, while Izumi and Sig shouted for them as they searched the island. She knew the cost of human transmutation, now; she would never wish more pain on Ed or Al just to ease her own suffering.) 

Ling walked them to the station, despite his promise to remain on campus for the entire break, to lessen the chance of getting attacked while Lan Fan was away. Which, well, Lan Fan was _not_ pleased – she'd actually been in the process of tying Ling to a chair when Winry went to find her, and Winry's arrival had distracted her just long enough for Ling to wiggle his way out of her grasp and dive out the open window – but it had been fairly obvious (to Winry, at least) from day one, that Ling did what he wanted, despite Lan Fan's attempts to keep him safe. 

"Prince Ling," Winry called as the station came into view. 

"Miss Curtis?" Ling returned in that cheerfully polite way he had; Winry was never certain if he was taking the mickey or not, which annoyed her as much as every time she'd had to realign Ed's arm because he did something stupid again. (She dreaded how bad it would be _this_ time; she really should have warned Lan Fan about that.) 

"Winry," Lan Fan murmured. 

Winry shook herself and turned her best 'if you break my arm again, Edward, I will beat you with it myself' glare and informed Ling, "If Lan Fan ends up havin' to rush back here 'cause you ended up in hospital or somethin', I'll make you regret it." 

Ling caught her free hand and brought it up to his lips to press a quick kiss to the back, while Lan Fan let out an embarrassed moan next to her. "I promise you," he murmured, his gaze as serious as Winry had ever seen it, "that I will do my utmost _not_ to disrupt your holiday." 

"I–" Winry cleared her throat, a bit thrown. "Uhm, good. Thank you." 

And then Ling let her hand go and smiled, back to his usual self. "Anyway! There is a poker tournament over the break, and if I am in hospital, I will be disqualified." 

Winry rolled her eyes, because of _course_ Ling was going to waste his holiday on playing cards instead of, oh, _studying_. Even _she_ was intending to get some studying time in during the break. (Though, part of that was wanting to keep her grades up for Izumi and Sig's sake, and part because something about the way Ed always had his nose in one book or another made her _want_ to study.) 

Lan Fan lecturing Ling on his bad habit of betting with commoners – one that Winry had heard so many times, she probably could have delivered it herself – got them to the station entrance. 

There, Ling sent Winry his best wide-eyed pleading look, and she sighed and hooked her arm around Lan Fan's waist. "Come on, before we miss our train." 

Lan Fan shot Ling one last look – by the way he hunched down a bit, Winry was glad she couldn't see it – and said something in Xingan – she really needed to learn their language. 

Ling quietly agreed, "Shí," which Winry knew meant 'yes'. (It was one of the few words she'd assimilated from spending so much time around the two Xingans.) 

Lan Fan nodded, then offered Winry one of her rare, shy smiles and said, "We can go. He will behave." 

Winry somehow doubted Ling would behave _well_ , necessarily, but pointing that out might actually result in them missing their train – or Ling getting dragged along – so she just smiled back and they headed into the station and onto the waiting train. 

It would only take them a little over an hour to get to Dublith, and Winry managed about twenty minutes of complaining about one of her assignments – and hearing about Ling complain about one of his own, in trade; some days, it was a little weird having a girlfriend who wasn't actually a student, but still went to class – before she sighed, rubbed at her face, and said, "Lan Fan?" 

Lan Fan's eyes sharped on her in that way that they did when she was giving Winry all of her attention, which always felt both really awesome, and a little terrifying. "Winry?" 

Winry stared down at where she'd folded her fingers together in her lap. "I told you...that I wanna be an automail mechanic." 

"Yes," Lan Fan agreed, the faintest hint of concern in her voice. 

Winry nodded and unfolded her fingers, pressed them tight together like the way Izumi and Ed did when they were performing alchemy. "Ed has automail." 

Lan Fan let out a loud breath, and Winry looked over to find her wearing a relieved look. "That is a good reason to wish to learn the craft, to help your family." 

Oh, if only it was as simple as that! But Winry couldn't find the words to speak the truth – they were trapped at the back of her throat, dug in as deep as they could go and held in place with the same steel bolts that she'd watched Izumi's doctor drill into Ed's flesh to keep his automail in place while she helped to hold him down – could only manage a smile that should have been a scream as she said, "He keeps it hidden, but you'll probably see it while you're visitin'; I always have to do minor repairs 'cause he's careless." 

"I do not know how that feels," Lan Fan said drily, instead of asking if Winry was okay, because no way she couldn't see the agony that ripped through Winry's chest every time she remembered those years. 

"Pretty sure Ed would give Ling a run for his money. Probably manage to cheat him all out of it, too; I don't think he's played an honest game of poker in his _life_." 

"I am not certain His Highness knows the meaning of 'honest'." 

Winry caught herself laughing, was fairly certain she saw relief flicker through Lan Fan's dark eyes, and smiled, grateful. Because Lan Fan _had_ seen, but she was willing to let Winry take her time with her demons, and that just made Winry adore her all the more. 

She dropped her head down to Lan Fan's shoulder and, while she was stiff with surprise for a moment – Winry was getting used to that quirk, did her best not to let it bother her any more – she arm slid around Winry's back and her head leant gently against Winry's quickly enough, most people wouldn't even have noticed the hesitation. "Thank you. For agreein' to come home with me," Winry said, even though that was hardly the _only_ thing she was grateful for. 

"Of course," Lan Fan replied, squeezing Winry's shoulder just enough to be felt. 

They filled the rest of the trip joking about how much money Ling would end up losing while they were gone, and debating which of his classmates would be most likely to take pity on him and loan him a little extra cash so he could win it all back. 

Getting off at Dublith require rather a bit of elbowing their way through crowds of other students and commuters, but they both made it onto the platform with their luggage intact, which Winry counted as a victory. She didn't see Sig, which didn't really surprise her – it was the middle of the day, so he was probably minding the shop – but it turned out there _was_ a familiar face waiting for them: 

"Al!" Winry shouted as soon as she caught sight of him, her heart near-to-bursting to see him. Awake. Standing under his own power. 

_Alive_. 

(It had been two and a half years since he'd woken up, but it was _so hard_ to shake off five years of seeing him lying in bed, chest barely rising and falling; that he'd woken at all would be one miracle Winry would _never_ stop being grateful for.) 

Al's face broke into a grin and he ran forward to meet her, calling, "Welcome home!" 

Winry let herself be folded into a hug, held him back a little too hard, but she couldn't stop herself. At least Al understood; he hadn't noticed those five years passing, but he _had_ woken to a world where everyone was five years older, and Ed and Winry had both moved on without him. (Had moved on _for_ him, really; they'd never said as much, but Winry had ended up trading automail for medicine in hopes of finding some way to wake Al, and she didn't once doubt that Ed's impossible ascent through his higher education was solely in hopes of finding some way, through alchemy, to get Al back.) 

Al was the one to end the hug, saying, "And this must be Lan Fan." 

Winry took a cautionary swipe at her eyes – at least Ed wasn't there to complain about how often she cried – and smiled a bit apologetically as she turned to where Lan Fan was watching with what Winry had learnt was as close to a patient smile as she usually got. "Yeah. Lan Fan, this is my little brother, Al." 

Lan Fan gave a short bow, then stepped forward with her hand extended, which Al took to shake. "I have heard much of you." 

Al gave a helpless little laugh. "That doesn't surprise me; Winry talks about you all the time when she calls, too." 

Winry huffed and waited until they'd let go before shoving Al a bit. "Shut up," she ordered. "And, speakin' of callin', have you heard from your idiot brother?" 

Al pointed at his mouth, raising his eyebrows. 

Winry, in response, pulled out the spanner she'd put in the front pocket of her bag for easy retrieval. Just in case she needed to brain Ed to remind him of his place. 

Al coughed and took a careful step back. "Yeah, rang him soon as I got up. He got on the first train this mornin', so he should be in in a couple hours. Assumin' he doesn't get 'lost' in Central again." 

Winry rolled her eyes, assumed Al had done it, too; Ed'd had about two hours between trains the first time he came home from East City University, so he'd decided to go out into the city. And then found a library and apparently turned off his mobile, because he didn't notice the twenty or so times they'd tried to call him until he'd been kicked out at closing. And then he'd barely made it to the last train south of the night. 

"He'd _better_ not get 'lost' again," Winry commented drily. "Izumi 'bout murdered him last time." 

Al's expression fell a bit as he ducked down to grab Winry's bed. "Yeah," he agreed quietly. 

Winry's heart sank. "Al? Is Izumi okay?" 

Lan Fan's hand curled around hers, and Winry threaded their fingers together, grateful for the silent support; she'd told Lan Fan that Izumi's health wasn't great, but she didn't think she'd ever explained exactly _how_ bad it was. 

"It wasn't a good week," Al admitted as he motioned with his head that they should head into the city. "Doc Richardson gave her some new medication, though, and we're hopin' it'll kick in fast enough that she's not stuck in bed this week." 

" _Shit_ ," Winry whispered with feeling; she _hated_ that they'd left Al behind, alone, to watch Izumi's health deteriorate ever more. And she hated, even more, the absolute certainty Izumi's doctor had that there was nothing modern medicine could do for her, and the grim looks Ed and Izumi had traded the only time Winry'd found the courage to ask if alchemy could fix it. 

(She'd lost her parents and grandmother without even a chance for a real goodbye, hadn't been able to do anything for Al, and there was nothing she could do to help Izumi. Making Ed's arm and leg had been the only good thing she'd ever done for her family, and even that was haunted by the memory of Ed doing his damnedest not to scream as it was installed.) 

(She _hated_ that bastard, Roy Mustang, for burning her world to cinders.) 

Lan Fan squeezed her hand, dragging her away from the shadows of her past, and Winry forced a smile onto her face, managed to get it into place just in time for Al to look back. "Well, new medication, that's good. It usually helps when he switches her, so I'm sure she'll be up and kickin' all our arses within another twenty-four hours or so. You'll see." 

Some of the worry faded from Al's expression, and his return smile was a lot more honest than the one Winry was barely keeping in place on her own face. "Sig said somethin' similar." 

"See? Izumi's strong, don't you worry 'bout her," Winry insisted, because Al didn't deserve to suffer the grim certainty that Izumi wasn't going to last much longer; at least one of them should be able to believe in a happy future for their broken little family. "So, how're your studies goin'?" she asked, that being the first new topic to occur to her. 

Al shot her a poisonous glare that he'd almost certainly got from Izumi. "It's _so much fun_ ," he replied in a dry tone, then threw the hand not holding her bag up into the air. "How the hell'd Brother manage university at _thirteen_?!" 

"Ed's _insane_ ," Winry reminded him, though she had a suspicion that it had something to do with whatever he'd seen that horrible night, the thing he and Izumi had both seemed so grateful to learn Al didn't remember. "If he doesn't have his PhD before he turns twenty, though, I'm gonna hafta suspect alien abduction." 

Al let out a sort of choked giggle, which was largely hidden under the disbelieving, " _Twenty_?" that Lan Fan let out. 

Winry glanced over at her, wincing a bit at her wide eyes, while Al just flat-out started laughing. "I _did_ mention Ed's an alchemical prodigy, right?" she had to ask, because that was such a well-known fact at South City Uni, she might well had assumed Ling and Lan Fan just _knew_ Ed was terrifyingly brilliant when it came to alchemy. 

Lan Fan shook her head, though Winry was fairly certain it was more in disbelief than a negative response to her question. "I had heard he was very smart, but I had thought it was as you or His Highness, not..." She shook her head again. 

Al coughed and warned, "Whatever image you're buildin' of my brother, I can promise he's _nothin'_ like that." 

Winry couldn't quite stop a giggle because, yeah, the sort of studious student that came to mind when you said 'PhD student' was...nothing at all like Ed. Which wasn't to say he couldn't talk about complicated arrays for hours, or get lost in some ancient text for a couple days, just that he wasn't normal. At _all_. 

(And that was as terrible as it was funny, because Winry knew what he'd lost, some of it: You didn't get things for free, and he'd paid more than his due; they all had, even if it didn't seem like they'd ever break even, some days. _Most_ days.) 

Al led the way into the front of the shop with a cheerful, "Found Win and her girlfriend!" 

Mason – Sig's only employee, who was as much a part of the family as any of them – was standing behind the counter, and he grinned widely at Winry as she led Lan Fan inside. "Welcome home, Winry!" he offered brightly, before nodding to Lan Fan. 

The smell of the shop was familiar, despite how little time she'd actually lived there, between living in Rush Valley and going to university. And it really shouldn't have been a comforting smell – cuts of bloodied meat should be stomach-turning, especially after what she'd been through – but it _was_ comforting, was settling in a way that pushed back the constant reminder of nightmares. It was _home_ and _family_ , the only ones she had left. 

"This is Mason. He helps Sig run the shop," Winry explained for Lan Fan, before turning to Mason. "This is Lan Fan. Is Sig in the back?" 

Mason nodded. "Finishing up an order for Mz Sour–" 

" _Sauvageot_!" Al said a little too loudly, scowling. 

Mason put on a wide grin that didn't look even a _little_ apologetic. "Her! He'll probably want you to run it down to her, Al, since she actually _likes_ you." 

"I wonder why," Al deadpanned, and Mason's grin widened. 

Winry shoved Al's shoulder. "Shouldn't you know better than to let him rile you? Move." 

Al huffed, but obediently led the way past the counter and into the back room – Winry had to tug Lan Fan's hand a bit and smile at her when she hesitated at the 'No Admittance' sign on the door into the back of the shop – where they found Sig wielding one of his larger cleavers against what looked to be the remains of a cow. 

Lan Fan stiffened at her back and shifted a little closer, and Winry couldn't tell if that was because of Sig's appearance – he was _massive_ and only very rarely smiled; she'd been a little scared of him when he'd picked her up from Resembool, but it hadn't taken her long to discover that Izumi was actually the terrifying one – or the fact that he was holding a cleaver that was as large as her head that had her on edge. Either way, she squeezed her hand and offered a reassuring smile while Sig swung the cleaver down. 

"Sig," Al called before he could raise the cleaver for another swing. 

Sig glanced up, his expression as stony as ever, but there was a kindness in his eyes that Winry had learnt to spot while she was trying to accept the fact that her parents and Granny and everyone they'd grown up with were _dead_. "Winry," he said when he spotted her, and the creases at the corners of his eyes deepened in that way they always did when he was happy about something. "It's good to have you home. Izumi will be happy to see you." 

"I hope so," Winry admitted, because as much as it hurt to see Izumi's slow death, knowing she enjoyed having them home helped a little bit. Especially since she knew their own stupid actions had only worsened her condition; the least they could do was give her a reason to smile by coming home every few months. "This is Lan Fan, by the way." 

"Nice to meet you," Sig rumbled, as close to friendly as she'd ever seen him with someone who wasn't family. "I'm Sig Curtis, Winry's adopted father." 

"Pleasure to meet you," Lan Fan offered quietly in return, still staying close to Winry's side. 

Sig looked to Al, then, and said, "The order for Ms Sauvageot is ready, but I can send Mason if you'd rather stay here." 

"Better not," Al replied drily. "He might actually insult her into changin' butchers." 

Sig's eye crinkles deepened again and he inclined his head as he motioned toward the freezer where they stored orders waiting for pick up or delivery. 

Winry reached out and tugged on the handle of her bag. "Here, give that back. I'll go show Lan Fan to my room, peek in on Izumi, if she's okay for visitors?" She looked toward Sig. 

He scratched at his sideburns as he gave a slow nod. "If she's awake," he decided. 

"Okay," Winry agreed, then tugged on Lan Fan's hand to get her moving through the back room, past Sig, and through the door into the house proper. "I probably should have warned you that Sig can be a little...startlin', the first time you see him," she said by way of apology, once the door had closed behind them. 

Lan Fan shook her head. "You Amestrisans get very large, sometimes. Like bears." 

Winry coughed, reminded about the story of Izumi taking out one of the monstrous bears that lived up in the Briggs Mountain Range. "Not a bad comparison." 

Lan Fan let out a rough little snort and, when Winry glanced back at her, she found her dark eyes sparkling with amusement. "It is fine. You had told me your family was a little unusual." 

Winry snorted at that, because she wasn't certain 'unusual' was enough to describe how _weird_ her family was. But, well, at least she had them, which made living with them more than worth a bit of oddity. "Wait 'til Izumi's on her feet; she's the _real_ terror around here." 

Lan Fan squeezed her hand and, when Winry glanced back again, she found sorrow on her face. "I had not known she was so unwell." 

Winry shrugged, had to look away as she admitted, "She's been sick since before we met her. There's no cure, so her bein' bedridden's a pretty normal state of affairs, honestly. It sucks, but she always pulls through." 

"No one lives forever," Lan Fan cautioned, and Winry knew she was talking about her grandfather, who had died protecting Ling's mother a couple of months before she and Ling had come to Amestris. 

"I know that," she replied quietly, blinking back tears and refusing to look at Lan Fan. "It's a miracle Izumi's still alive, we all know that. But givin' up on her–" 

"I am sorry," Lan Fan whispered, stepping around Winry and drawing her into a hug. "I had not intended my words to hurt you." 

"I know," Winry whispered, couldn't find the words to explain how, if it wasn't for her and Ed and Al, Izumi would probably have plenty of years left to live. But that truth got caught up in her throat, and what she said, instead, was, "I don't want to lose her, too. She and Sig're all we have left." 

Lan Fan's arm tightened around her, and Winry dropped her bag so she could cling to her in turn, hiding her face against Lan Fan's shoulder. 

Lan Fan didn't offer any platitudes, like Al would have done, or made some sort of stupid comment about how she _always_ cried, like Ed; she just held Winry silently, giving her both comfort and the privacy to pull herself back together. And she was so, _so_ grateful for that, for finally having someone in her life who understood that, sometimes, she just needed to _cry_ , because she couldn't channel her emotions out through her fists, or banish her pain by making other people happy. 

When she felt a little less like the shadow of Izumi's impending death was grabbing at her arms, Winry pulled back and reached up to wipe at her wet face, but Lan Fan beat her to it, her dark eyes so very warm and kind, Winry almost started crying again, because _how did she deserve Lan Fan_? 

"Better?" Lan Fan asked quietly, her thumbs stroking carefully against the lower lashes of Winry's eyes. 

"Yeah," Winry admitted. "Thanks." 

Lan Fan offered her one of her rare smiles, though it was edged with sadness in a way that none of the handful Winry had seen from her had been. "I cannot imagine how it would be to watch one you love slowly die in front of you. I have only known sudden death, and that is painful enough. But to see their suffering, always, constantly... I cannot think that would be easy." 

"Loss is never easy," Winry whispered, because she had far too much experience with losing the people she loved: Auntie Trisha, Mum and Dad and Granny and everyone in Resembool, Al to his coma, and now Izumi. "But it's part of life, I guess." 

"I guess," Lan Fan echoed. 

Winry managed a smile that only ached a little bit, then ducked down to grab her bag. "My room," she said, partially to remind herself what they'd been aiming to do before they'd got distracted. "It's upstairs," she offered as she led the way to the stairs and up to the first floor, Lan Fan quick on her heels. "You can settle in while I check on Izumi; you might hafta wait 'til tomorrow to meet her, sorry." 

"It is fine. I think I will have more than enough meeting people today, already." 

Winry couldn't stop a slightly helpless smile, at that. "Yeah. Sorry." 

Lan Fan huffed a bit. "It is a good family. You should meet His Highness's; _that_ is a large family." 

Winry grimaced, because she'd heard _plenty_ about the Xingan emperor's habit of keeping concubines and his many, _many_ children. It sort of a lot grossed her out, but she'd determined pretty early on to just ignore Xing's weird shit; her sanity was better off that way. (That said, she didn't for one second think Ed wouldn't have something scathing to say the minute he heard about it, because he never let a chance to insult someone go. The moron.) 

She left Lan Fan and her bag in her room, then made her way back downstairs to Izumi and Sig's room, easing the door open as quietly as she could and poking her head in. 

Izumi's eyes were open and she was apparently reading one of her cookbooks, but she set it down almost as soon as Winry's head cleared the door and smiled at her. "Hello, Winry," she offered, her voice that careful, quiet one she always used when she was afraid raising her voice would set off her gag reflex. 

Winry smiled back and stepped into the room properly. "I'm home," she replied, and Izumi's smile widened and she held out a hand toward her. Winry stepped quickly over to the bed, leaning over to give Izumi a hug, utterly unsurprised by how firm her grip was; bedridden or no, never let it be said that Izumi Curtis couldn't throw someone across the room. 

"Al said it's been a bad week," Winry commented as she freed herself from the hug and checked on the glass of water on the side table. 

"I'm afraid so," Izumi admitted, and Winry was glad she'd stopped trying to hide how poorly she felt a couple years ago, because it was so much less stressful for all of them when she was being honest about her bad days. "But Martin gave me something new, so I hopefully won't be stuck in her the _whole_ time you kids are home." 

"I hope so," Winry admitted, casting around for the pitcher that was usually in the room, since Izumi's glass was getting a little low. She spotted it over by the door, clearly in need of a refill – Sig or Al had probably been called to help with something on the way to do so – but there was still enough to fill Izumi's glass. "Watchin' you throw Ed across the back garden for bein' a mouthy shit's the best part of the holiday." 

Izumi choked out a laugh, her eyes bright with amusement, even as she pressed a blood-stained cloth against her lips. 

"I'm sorry!" Winry breathed, feeling horrible; she _knew_ Izumi wasn't doing well and she'd _still_ made a joke she knew would make her laugh. 

Izumi just shook her head and caught Winry's arm, holding her fast. " _Stop_ that. I'm happy to cough up a little blood in trade for a bit of laughter." She sighed and shot Winry a slightly helpless, fond look. "You three are as bad as each other; _stop blaming yourselves for my sin_." 

Winry ducked her head, couldn't meet Izumi's eyes as she said, "But, if we hadn't–" 

"I'll beat you over the head with my book if you complete that sentence," Izumi warned flatly. 

"Yes'm," Winry whispered, and busied herself with refilling Izumi's water. 

Izumi sighed again. "Al said you were bringing that Xingan girl you're dating with you?" she asked, kindly changing the subject. 

Winry managed a smile for her. "Yeah, Lan Fan. She's upstairs right now. I figured it was best to wait 'til you're doin' a bit better tomorrow before introducin' you." 

"Hm. Can she fight at all?" 

Winry almost splashed water everywhere when she threw her arms up into the air, but managed to stop the hand holding the pitcher before it raised above her head. "I didn't bring my girlfriend home just so you could beat her up!" she complained. 

Izumi raised an imperious eyebrow at her. "I need to make sure you're not dating weaklings." 

Winry rolled her eyes, because of _course_ that would be Izumi's excuse. "She's the bodyguard of the favoured Xingan heir; she can handle herself in a fight." 

"Good," Izumi decided, relaxing back against her pillows a bit. "When is Ed supposed to arrive? Assuming he doesn't get 'lost' in Central again." 

Winry couldn't quite stop a snicker, and the amused glint in Izumi's eyes promised that neither of them were ever going to let him live that incident down. "Couple hours, accordin' to Al, so you should have time for a short nap before he starts stompin' 'round the place." 

"As if the amount of noise he makes is really going to make up for how short he is," Izumi commented drily, and Winry couldn't help but laugh; Izumi was the only person she knew who terrified Ed so much, he'd actually let her get away with short jokes with only a minimum of grumbling and a couple dirty looks. "Good," Izumi decided, closing her eyes and relaxing back against her pillows the rest of the way. "Take Lan Fan out to see the city; I don't expect she's seen much Amestrisan architecture." 

So far as Winry was aware, that was quite true, so she smiled and agreed, "I think I will. Sleep well, Izumi." 

"Mm," was Izumi's only response, so Winry quietly left to refill the pitcher, slipped back inside to replace it next to the bed, then made her way back up to her room. 

"Everything is okay?" Lan Fan asked when Winry stopped in the doorway, her eyes filled with concern. 

Winry smiled and nodded. "Yeah. She was up, readin', so we talked a bit. She's gonna take a nap, though, for now. Suggested we might go see Dublith a bit, if you're up for a tour?" 

Lan Fan nodded and stood, dusting off her trousers. "I would like that," she agreed. And, when Winry held out a hand toward her, she didn't hesitate to take it, their fingers lacing together. 

-0-

Winry had gone back and forth about going with Al to wait for the train they were expecting Ed to be on, a bit, but then Al'd pointed out that Izumi needed her sleep, and Winry and Ed regularly devolved into violence when they met back up on the holidays. She she'd sighed a bit and walked out with him, Lan Fan tagging along, even though Winry'd said she was welcome to stay behind. 

Miracle of miracles, Ed was on the expected train. Al was the one to spot him, shouting, "Brother!" and Winry followed his gaze to find Ed just before he managed to shove his way through the crowd, his eyes bright and grin so wide, Winry wondered if it didn't hurt. 

"Al!" Ed called back, right before he caught Al in a hug and squeezed him tight enough that Al let out an odd sort of squeaking sound. 

And then Ed caught sight of her and let go of Al, a gleam in his eyes promising trouble. "Gearhead! Have you got _uglier_?" 

Winry started to reach for her spanner, but she clearly needn't have bothered, as Lan Fan swept around her and had a kunai to Ed's throat before she could get it out. "Watch your tongue," Lan Fan ordered flatly. 

Winry managed to resist an eye roll, but there was nothing for the warmth suffusing her face. 

Ed, of course, just grinned a bit wider. "You must be Lan Fan!" he called, right before dropping his bag and ducking to the side, away from the blade. Lan Fan managed a surprised half-gasp before Ed's real hand clamped around her wrist and he crouched, sliding one foot out to unbalance her so he could – Winry knew from experience – fling her over his head to face plant on the ground. 

Except Lan Fan somehow managed to turn her forced tumble into a somersault – Winry _needed_ that trick – and managed to land in a crouch, hands held in a ready position. 

Ed flashed Winry a wide grin. "She kicked Al's arse, yet?" he asked. Which was insanely high praise, from him, and Winry hadn't realised she was tense until it eased away. 

"Some of us," Al said drily, "don't go around greetin' people with violence. Unlike _some_ barbarians I could name." 

"Sorry about him," Winry offered to Lan Fan, who looked a bit thrown for a loop. "There's a sayin' about shortness resultin' in immaturity, which isn't true in _most_ cases–" 

Cloth-covered steel locked around her neck, tugging her down to the side a bit, and Ed roughly knuckled his real fist against the top of her head while she attempted to jab her elbow or a finger in his side hard enough to make him let go, cursing at him while he _cackled_ , the crazy idiot. 

"Just leave them," she heard Al say, his tone utterly unimpressed. 

Ed loosened his grip, his arm dropping to her shoulders, as he said, "Hey, Win." 

Winry made a point of straightening, but he'd been growing again, apparently, because it didn't have _quite_ the effect she'd been hoping for. "Hey, Ed," she offered in return, reaching up to rough up his bangs. 

He shook his head, clearly amused, and motioned with his head after where Al was coaxing Lan Fan back to the shop without them, carrying Ed's bag because _of course_ he was. "When'd you get in?" 

"Couple hours ago," Winry admitted as they both started after Al and Lan Fan. "Izumi's been havin' a rough week." 

Ed's arm left her shoulders, and she glanced over to find his jaw clenched tight, both hands balled into fists, and she knew he'd pulled away because he was afraid of hurting her. Of gripping too tight and breaking bones, just like he had the first time they'd sparred after his surgery, breaking her wrist because he didn't know his own strength. 

She had to look away and swallow, her heart aching. "Doc Richardson adjusted her medication, though. She'll probably be up tomorrow." 

"That's good," Ed muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets. After a beat, he offered, "I like her." 

Winry followed his gaze to where Lan Fan was glancing back at them, a hint of concern in the line of her brows. Winry offered her a reassuring smile in return, even as she elbowed Ed. "Hands off." 

"She's not my type," Ed promised, flashing her a quick smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

As far as Winry knew, Ed's type was _exactly_ Lan Fan: Dark-haired and pretty. Instead of pointing that out, though, she suggested, "Too tall?" as sweetly as she could. (Although, previous experience said he didn't discriminate against people based on their height relative to his own, which would never _not_ be hilarious.) 

"Nah. _Taken_ ," Ed shot back. 

Winry rolled her eyes; she'd hardly suspected Ed to chase after her own girlfriend, as much of an obnoxious shit as he could be, but she did sort of appreciate the reassurance. (And, well, yeah, when she thought back on it, she'd never known Ed to have so much as a one-night fling with someone he knew was in a relationship with someone else, even if the other person swore it was an open relationship, or whatever. And she'd always wondered, a bit, if that wasn't related to his father leaving and the rapid decline of Auntie Trisha's health once he was gone.) 

"Shouldn't've gone on to East Uni, then," Winry said, a little belated, but she knew Ed wouldn't hold it against her; he knew something of getting lost in his own thoughts because of something his conversation partner had said. 

Ed just snorted and waved that comment away. "Had to give the rest of you a chance, eventually," he said, then shot her a sharp little smile. 

Winry shoved him. Ed shoved her back. She pulled out her spanner and aimed it at his head, he blocked it with his right arm, then jumped back, out of the way of her follow-up kick to the spleen. 

"All I ask is _five minutes_!" Al complained from ahead of them. 

"She started it!" Ed called back, catching her foot before she could pull it back and trying to yank her off balance. 

Winry threw her spanner and managed to hit his real arm. His grip loosened and she spun out of reach, calling to Al, "I thought that _was_ five minutes!" 

Ed flashed her a grin while he ducked to pick up her spanner, while Al let out some loud huffs that, Winry was nearly certain, were meant to disguise laughter. As Ed tossed the spanner back to her, Winry heard Lan Fan make that choked noise that meant she was trying very hard _not_ to laugh, and she couldn't help but grin at her. 

"So," Ed said as he started walking again, "let me know when you two break up." 

Winry was fairly certain even _Al_ wouldn't blame her for kicking him between the legs. 

-0-

Ed's growth spurt meant she spent most of the rest of the day working on his leg, while he hobbled around on the spare she'd had to make him the first time she'd needed to take his leg for a whole day. He made his usual complaints, then went to visit with Izumi for a bit, before settling in to talk with – Winry could only assume, based on the lack of anyone pestering her – Al and Lan Fan about goodness knew what. Something that eased the murderous looks Lan Fan had been occasionally tossing Ed while Winry had been doing her usual checks on his automail. (Surprisingly, he'd only scuffed his arm a little bit, and she'd been able to buff the marks away without having to take his arm off, something she knew they _both_ appreciated.) 

Ed and Lan Fan not going at each other's throats was actually pretty nice, even if a part of Winry was just waiting for the other shoe to drop – she _knew_ Ed, and he only ever played nice when he was up to no good. Hells knew Izumi needed the peace, and Winry managed to finish Ed's leg by the end of the night without his usual nagging, which was a nice change. 

"Now? Or in the mornin'?" Winry asked she she brought down his finished leg to where he, Al, Lan Fan, Sig, and Mason were playing some bastardised version of Go Fish, which she had little doubt was another one of Ed's brainchildren. (He seemed determined to find a game that he could beat everyone else at, consistently, without getting caught cheating, but Winry knew all of his tricks, and Al was learning them quickly, so he hadn't had much luck, so far.) 

Ed considered her from behind his hand for a moment, his brows carefully neutral. Then he sighed and set his hand down, face up. "Now," he decided as he stood. 

Al grabbed his arm as he passed him. "And the cards you stashed up your sleeve, Brother," he ordered, and Mason started snickering, while Sig just sort of sighed and Lan Fan sent Winry a flat look. As if she had _any_ control over Ed's cheating habits. 

Ed huffed a bit, then folded back his sleeve and handed Al the cards he'd hidden there. "I need to find a better system," he complained. 

"If you start transmutin' your arm to cheat at cards, Edward–" Winry started, waving his leg at him threateningly. 

Ed held up both hands in a show of surrender. "Wouldn't dream of it," he swore. 

She _knew_ he was lying, because she'd caught him doing it before, but so long as she didn't have proof, she couldn't validate clocking him with one of his limbs, so she huffed and led the way up to his and Al's room. 

He shut the door behind them and wasted no time in kicking off his trousers and sitting on his bed, bending forward to unlatch the temporary and letting it tumble to the ground as he twisted to lie flat. 

Winry huffed a bit at the abuse to the temporary, but she didn't bother telling him off, since she knew he wouldn't listen. Instead, she shifted his leg and pointed at the knee joint. "Here, pay attention for a minute, would you?" 

"I _always_ pay attention to you," Ed promised. 

"Horse shit," Winry tossed back, and he grinned at her. But the humour didn't reach his eyes, and she had to look away, back at his leg. "Figure you'll probably grow a bit more before summer, so there's a latch, here–" she pointed to the part she meant "–that you flip, and it'll lengthen just a bit." 

"Winry, you're a _genius_ ," he breathed, so honest, she couldn't stop a flush. 

She cleared her throat, couldn't manage to look at him. "It's only good for about a centimetre, so don't get so excited. And it's usin' a bit of the extra platin' that I'd've put in there anyway, so it might be a bit weaker than usual when it's extended." 

"It'll keep me from limpin'," Ed said, his real hand resting lightly on her forearm. She chanced a glance up at him and found him smiling, so heartbreakingly _grateful_. Because he _hated_ his automail, only used it because she'd made it for him, because it was necessary for him to get around on his own. But he didn't like it, didn't like the memories it held, and she couldn't really blame him for that. " _Thank you_." 

She managed a smile that ached. "Of course. Gotta find some way to keep up with you, you bein' so far away and all." 

" _Don't_ ," he warned, withdrawing his hand and lying back down. 

"I get why you had to," she said quietly as she scooted her chair down his bed a bit and laid his leg out in the empty space where the real thing should have been. "That doesn't mean I have to like it." 

"Keepin' Al and Teacher safe from the military is more important than you likin' my choices," Ed replied flatly. 

" _God_. It's almost like you're incapable of listenin'," Winry muttered as she carefully slid his leg into his port, checking to ensure everything matched up properly. "I _get it_ , you moron." She straightened to shoot him a glare, which he looked away from. "And don't fuckin' lie to me; Al and Izumi weren't the only reasons you went to East." 

"Yeah, well, if you'd fuckin' _stayed in Rush Valley_ –" Ed started. 

Winry wrenched the switch to connect his nerves, and Ed choked, jaw clenching and the muscles in both of his legs – probably his whole body, but it was hard to tell with his shirt in the way – tightening. 

She shoved her guilt away as she set about checking the connections and replacing the plating she'd had to remove to connect everything. "You can't get licenced to perform surgeries without at least a basic medical degree," she reminded him flatly. "Hells, I'm not even supposed to be doin' this much without supervision, as green as I am. And _don't_ start," she added, as if he was actually capable of interrupting her right that moment. (She shoved her guilt back down again.) "I know you don't want anyone else fuckin' with your automail." 

"It's– Called– Trust," Ed got out, each word bit off like they might have been accompanied by a scream or a sob if he hadn't stopped it. "Idiot." 

"It's called being a pain in my arse," Winry retorted, even as she reached up and grabbed his left wrist, giving it a squeeze. "You're set. Want your blankets?" 

Ed managed a jerky nod, his face lined with pain, and Winry was grateful for the chance to focus on pulling his blankets up over him. 

Once she'd covered him, she stood to leave, but he caught her wrist with his flesh hand and, when she glanced down at him, he said, "Night, gearhead." 

Somehow, she managed to dredge up a smile and replied, "Good night, alchemy freak." 

He let her go and she left the room, returning to the card game, which had apparently returned to normal Go Fish. "Ed's gone to sleep," she said to Al. _Lied_ , really, because it would be a couple hours before he'd be able to sleep, judging by previous reattachments. 

Al, though, just nodded, hadn't been awake and around them for long enough, yet, to know when she was lying, or exactly how painful Ed's automail was for him. 

Lan Fan, though, clearly caught _something_ , because she dragged Winry down into the empty chair next to her, then pulled it and Winry closer, wrapping one arm around her waist. 

Winry allowed a quiet, relieved breath and dropped her head onto Lan Fan's shoulder, closing her eyes. Just for a moment. 

-0-

_A body held taut beneath her hands, she looked up, expected to find Ed's face lined in pain, but she found tubes filled with red, instead, draining down, down, down–squirting out everywhere, flesh torn asunder, and Ed was screaming for Al, for her, reaching out a hand that was disintegrating before her eyes, torn into by tiny black hands and some of them were starting toward her and Ed **screamed** –_

Winry sat up with a gasp, clutching at the fabric of her nightgown over her thudding heart and staring at the nightlight that she'd never been able to give up, even though she _knew_ light didn't stop those reaching hands, hadn't _that night_ , had just lit them terrible purple as the energy of the array flared out of control. 

"Winry?" Lan Fan murmured, and a hand brushed against her belly. 

Winry swallowed, somehow managed to say, in a passible tone of voice, "Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep." 

"Sure?" Lan Fan asked, her hand not moving from Winry's stomach. 

Winry caught her hand and squeezed it, then set it back on the bed. "Yeah. 'M just gonna get some water." 

Lan Fan let out a quiet noise of agreement and relaxed back against the bed. 

Winry carefully climbed out, over her, and crept from her room. And then she made for the kitchen, rather than just going to the bathroom for water, because she didn't really have any interest in returning to her nightmares so soon. 

Somehow, she wasn't surprised to find Ed already in the kitchen, standing at the worktop with a mug, the kettle heating on the hob. He glanced toward her, then immediately pulled down a second mug and teabag without needing to ask. 

Winry dropped wearily into one of the chairs in the kitchen and rubbed at her eyes. "Talk to me," she requested quietly. 

He was silent for a moment, before he started talking about some sort of energy transference relating to water alchemy, using words and turns of phrase that meant nothing to her. Which had been exactly what she'd wanted – _needed_ ; the memory of his screaming fading back into the darkest reaches of her subconscious – and she felt so much steadier when he brought the two mugs over, steam rising from them. 

He didn't ask what had brought her down, and she didn't ask after his nightmares in turn; they'd had years to perfect their midnight meetings over tea, both of them scrambling for topics that had nothing to do with the horrors that chased them from their beds. 

"Tell me about Lan Fan," Ed finally requested, his real thumb rubbing at the handle of his mug. His right arm was hanging down next to him, almost like it was broken, but Winry had seen him doing that so often, it didn't even phase her any more; she knew he was just treating it like a deadweight, too tired to act like it was actually connected to his nervous system. 

"Why?" Winry had to ask, a niggling of suspicion peering through the shadows of her nightmare. "You been zonin' out when I get you on the phone?" 

His smile was tired, but it lit his eyes just a little bit, and she knew she wasn't the only one who was starting to shake off the night's shadows. "Not answerin' that one." 

Winry huffed and took a careful sip of her tea, then said, "Let's see... First time I saw her was across campus, durin' my move-in. Tail-end of orientation for the new lot, you remember?" 

"Mostly," Ed agreed with a hint of amusement. 

Winry made a face at him and his smile widened a bit. "She wasn't really payin' attention to their guide, which wasn't _that_ weird, really, but she _was_ a bit focussed on other people, sorta assessin' them, like. Same way you'd look at someone tryin' to pick a fight with you." 

"Maybe that's what _you_ do," Ed said into his tea. 

Winry kicked him under the table, smiled at his scowl, then continued, "Anyway, it was a bit odd, so it caught my eye. And she _moved_ like she was just waitin' for someone to attack her. And then she happened to look my way, and she'd got just–" Winry pointed at her face, tripping over the words she wanted. 

"Pretty eyes?" Ed supplied. 

" _Arrestin'_ , more like," Winry corrected. "Too far to really see if they were pretty, but there was somethin' about her gaze caught me still. Couldn't move again 'til she'd moved on to look at someone else. Saw her again a few times after, from afar, and she was always lookin' ready for a fight, always lookin' around like she was expectin' one." 

"So, how about the first time you actually _met_?" Ed asked, and she knew he'd been paying attention the first time she'd told him about Lan Fan, because that was the same question he'd asked over the phone, his tone that exact same level of interested fondness. 

She made a face at him, but obediently explained, "That was Ling's doin'. He got sick of us always starin' at each other across whatever open space, so he came over to where I was sittin' in the commons with a couple of my friends, and Lan Fan was followin' him with this–" she circled her hand at her own face "–full-on blush, and he sorta motioned Christy down a bit, then gave me this _massive_ grin. Bit like that one you always do when you're up to no good." 

Ed snorted into his tea, eyes nearly _sparkling_ with amusement. 

"So he says to me, 'I'm Ling Yao, of Xing, and this is my bodyguard, Lan Fan, who has a crush on you'–" 

"Tell me she hit him," Ed pleaded with a hopeful grin. 

Winry shook her head, grinning herself at the memory. "Nah. She just sorta got even redder and wobbled a bit and I reached out to catch her. Didn't really think about it. But then Ling, he gives this really loud whoop, like he's gone and won somethin', and _that_ 's what got Lan Fan to turn and hit him. And then she sorta sat down next to me and buried her face in her hands while he laughed a bit more." 

"I feel like I'd really like this Ling guy." 

"You'd try to kill him after less than ten minutes," Winry insisted, because she was pretty certain that Ed and Ling were way too much alike to actually manage to be friends. Or, well, friends like _normal_ people thought of; they'd probably think they were getting on swimmingly. 

"Why're you sayin' that like it's a bad thin'?" Ed asked with one of his more manic grins, thus proving her point for her. The idiot. 

Winry rolled her eyes. " _Anyway_. Ling finally fucked off, but only to the next table over, because Lan Fan really woulda freaked out if he'd gone much further. And, once she'd calmed down a little, Lan Fan looked up and, yeah, she really does have the prettiest eyes, I swear. There's little bits of brown in them, so when the light's just about right–" 

"Fuckin' hell," Ed interrupted just loud enough to interrupt her, but not so much as to chance waking anyone else. "Save that love-sick shit for the bedroom." 

Winry grabbed one of the napkins out of the holder on the table and threw it at him. "You're the one who _asked_." 

He grinned and lied, "I would _never_. Hearin' you go all gushy is never on my list of thin's to be involved in." 

Winry snorted and mimed throwing her mug at him before taking a sip of her cooling tea. "What about you, then? Finally figured out how to settle down, yet?" 

"Perish the thought!" Ed shot back, grinning. "I could _never_ think of subjectin' someone to bein' your siblin'-in-law." 

"Better me than you," Winry returned sweetly. 

Ed raised an eyebrow, then said, "I really hope Al's smart and moves away from both of us when he finds someone." 

Winry smiled, because she knew he meant it to be funny, but it hurt, too. Because the idea of Al not being there, not being able to check on him, see him awake and smiling– 

And, too, she knew what Ed _wasn't_ saying: At least one of us deserves to live happy and free from our sin. Because Al had slept through the worst of it, didn't really remember that hellish night; of the three of them, he had the best chance to live his life without the nightmares that kept Ed and Winry up. 

She reached across the table and met the hand that he was stretching out in return, clasping them together and both of them squeezing tight. 

"Yeah," she whispered past the block in her throat, "I hope so, too." 

Ed closed his eyes, and she knew he was thinking the same thing she was: Al would never leave them. It wasn't in him to let them bear their sin for him. 

And then Ed opened his eyes and tried on a grin that Winry knew had to hurt, and said, "So, bets on how long it's gonna take Teacher to throw Lan Fan when they meet tomorrow?" As if it were a certainty that Izumi would be well enough to get out of bed in the morning. 

"Approximately as long as it takes for her to get us all outside?" Winry suggested, trying on a smile of her own that didn't feel real. 

"Ooh, yeah. I guess Teacher wouldn't wanna throw her in the house." 

"Not enough ceilin' space," Winry agreed, then paused to raise her eyebrows at Ed, because Izumi had thrown _him_ indoors more than a couple times. 

"Oiy! 'M not a fuckin' _midget_! And I was a _kid_ then, besides! Doesn't count!" 

Winry's smile nearly failed her as she pointed out, "You're still a kid, Ed." 

His smile vanished and he squeezed her hand as he met her eyes and quietly said, "We're not." 

For a moment, Winry was holding him down again, was watching his leg disassemble as black hands clawed at him and– 

" _Winry_ ," he hissed, his grip far too tight on her hand. 

Winry swallowed back nightmares and caught his gaze, stared into gold eyes that weren't in pain, but looked as haunted as she felt. "No," she whispered, her voice cracking, "we're not. Haven't been for..." 

"Drink your tea," Ed murmured when she couldn't quite bring herself to count the years between _that night_ and the current moment. 

"It's gone cold," she managed to say, looking down at her mug. 

He shifted, and automail brushed against her hand as he pressed his hands together without letting go of her. Steel fingers motioned her mug forward, so she held it out and when he touched the ceramic, blue light arced, then steam started to rise from her mug again. 

"That's a new trick," she commented as she brought her mug back to sip at the last half of her tea. 

He shrugged, letting his automail hand fall back to his side, hanging useless again. "Not really," he offered. "I just haven't ever used it around you, before." 

She narrowed her eyes at him, remembering study sessions the year previous, when they'd huddled back-to-back in one of their rooms, staring at their books and trying to pretend they just really cared about getting something done for class, that they weren't just trying to avoid sleeping. "How not new is it?" she demanded, because she'd usually been the one who got up to refill their mugs. 

Ed looked away, but not fast enough that she didn't see the hint of guilt in his eyes. 

"You little _shit_ ," she snarled, tightening her grip on his hand until he winced. 

"It'srelatedtoflamealchemy!" he got out in a rush. 

Winry didn't need to ask him to repeat that, because 'flame alchemy' was one phrase she'd _always_ recognise, and she quickly set her tea aside. "I'm full," she announced, even though she wasn't, not even a little bit. 

Ed's smile was a terrible, _broken_ thing, and she had to look away, because if she couldn't bring herself to drink something that'd been reheated with that horrible alchemy, how must _he_ feel to know it? To _use_ it? 

(She didn't ask why he'd decided to study it, didn't have to: Ed always looked to master the worst alchemy, because then he didn't have to be afraid of it. Could fight back against it, should he ever find himself faced with it. Could, maybe, step forward and, next time Mustang decided to burn down a few small towns to win a war, stop him before someone else lost _everything_.) 

Ed squeezed her hand again, then drew his hand away, catching the handle of first her mug, then his own as he stood. "Think I might try sleepin' again. You?" 

Winry sighed and nodded. "Yeah." She let out a quiet, humourless laugh as he poured out their tea in the sink. "Fuck. I told Lan Fan I was just getting' some water. I hope she went back to sleep, instead of waitin' up for me." 

Ed looked back at her, his eyes shadowed. "Have you told her?" 

"What? That we decided to play _god_?" Winry shot back. 

Ed flinched, his mouth tightening. 

Winry closed her eyes and rubbed them roughly. "No," she admitted quietly. "I haven't told her anythin'. Didn't even tell her 'bout your automail 'til we'd got on the train, or 'bout Izumi 'til we'd got here." 

A hand touched her right shoulder, and she looked up into Ed's eyes, as tired and old as she felt. "Do you love her?" he asked quietly. 

Winry swallowed and nodded, because she couldn't have lied to him, even if she'd wanted to; he knew her far too well. 

Ed squeezed her shoulder. "Tell her. Somethin', at least. Not– Not about the taboo, maybe, but, bein' there, for my automail. That'd explain rough nights, right?" 

She tried a smile. "Listen to you, givin' love advice. You haven't had a relationship that's last more'n a _month_." 

He smiled back, tired and falling sort of his eyes. "Yeah, well. Seen enough relationships that work to extrapolate." 

"Science freak." 

"Mechanics freak." 

She reached up and knocked her knuckles against his right arm, steel hidden under his long sleeves, but still all too easy to feel. (She wondered, a bit distantly, if there was some way she could disguise that for him.) "Thanks." 

His smile lifted a bit, lit his eyes just enough to be obvious. "What're big brothers for?" 

" _Three months_ , Edward!" Winry snapped, reaching up and flicking his chin before he could step back out of range. 

"Those three months are important," he insisted, laughter in his voice. 

"Pretty sure," she retorted as she stood, "that height trumps age, _little brother_." 

His eyes went wide for a moment, apparently unable to process that, and then he let out a quiet snarl and pointed at her. "Tomorrow. You and me in the sparrin' ring." 

She flashed him a smile with teeth. "You're _on_ ," she promised. 

He glowered at her for another couple seconds, then made a show of turning his nose up and stalking from the room, uneven footsteps sounding his retreat. 

Winry waited until he was on the stairs before following. Lan Fan, thankfully, didn't seem to be awake when she crept back into her room, so she breathed out a sigh of relief and climbed back into bed to sleep without having to explain herself. 

-0-

When Winry made it downstairs that morning with Lan Fan, they found Izumi standing determinedly over the hob. Al was trying to get her to _sit down_ and let him handle the cooking, while Sig was hovering nearby, looking a bit helpless. 

Winry smiled at Lan Fan and suggested, "Have a seat," then walked over to the cooker and reached between Al and Izumi to snatch the spatula out of the latter's hand. 

Al shut up, while Izumi turned to glare at her. 

Winry smiled back and chirped, "Good mornin', Izumi!" Then she very firmly elbowed her way closer to the hob, accidentally-on-purpose getting Izumi to step back a couple steps, into Sig's waiting arms. "I'll handle breakfast, then!" she called. 

Izumi slumped a bit and led herself be led over to the table by Sig. 

" _Thank you_ ," Al breathed as Winry took in the meal in the works and set about keeping things from burning. "I've been tryin' to get her to sit down for almost ten minutes." 

Winry raised an eyebrow at him. "I know you missed a couple years," she said flatly, studiously ignoring his flinch, "but that shouldn'ta given you any trouble in figurin' out that you've gotta be firm with her. Seriously, Al. I figured that much out after a week in this place." 

"I suppose," Al mumbled. 

Winry reached out and ruffled his hair. "Ed still sleepin'?" 

"You know Brother," Al said with a huff. "He'll show up soon as the food's ready and not a second sooner." 

Which was...about what happened, unsurprisingly. Not that Winry really blamed him for sleeping in as long as he could; if not for Lan Fan getting up, she'd probably have slept in for another couple hours herself. Or, well. As long as Ed and Izumi'd let her. 

Izumi must have made a proper introduction while Winry'd been distracted with the food, because she was listening to Lan Fan explain a Xingan move when Winry and Al started bringing the food over. Which, go figure, of _course_ fighting would be the thing Izumi would end up relating to best with Lan Fan. (At least they _could_ relate; Winry could almost imagine the heavy silence over the table if Lan Fan hadn't had anything in common with her family. As it was, they all had fighting, and Al managed to at least _pretend_ interest in Xingan politics.) 

After breakfast, Izumi gave them a little over an hour to get dressed and let their stomachs settle a bit, then ordered Winry, Ed, and Al outside to "Check that none of you've been slacking without me breathing down your necks." 

Of course they hadn't; Winry'd taken to training a bit with Ling and Lan Fan, once she'd admitted that she knew some hand-to-hand fighting, and Ed was probably still picking fights with anyone who looked at him funny, just because he could. And, of course, of all of them, Al was the least likely to slack off, given he was living under the same roof as Izumi, still, bedridden or not. 

Lan Fan ended up coming out with them, and while Izumi didn't end up throwing her immediately, she _did_ end up throwing her, and Winry probably shouldn't have been so amused at the shocked expression that had crossed Lan Fan's face right before she face-planted in the dirt, but at least _she_ hadn't started laughing, unlike Ed. 

Judging by the way Lan Fan sprung to her feet and went after Ed with narrowed eyes, Winry was pretty certain she wouldn't have to try and soothe her bruised pride with stories of how Izumi _always_ got each one of them, no matter how prepared they were for her. (Also, bad health or no, Izumi was a force to be reckoned with; Winry absolutely believed the stories of her wrestling the giant bears of Briggs and winning.) 

Winry didn't get to enjoy the sight of Lan Fan attempting to beat some manners into Ed – she wished her _much_ luck – because Izumi had her sparring with Al, since the other two were occupied. 

About forty-five minutes into their fighting practice, Izumi was shouting corrections at Al – who was sparring with Lan Fan, and holding his own a lot better than Winry usually could – when she choked, and covered her mouth just in time to catch most of the blood she coughed up. 

They all immediately stopped what they were doing, Winry and Ed hurrying over to Izumi's sides and each grabbing a shoulder. "Perhaps it's time to lie down for a bit," Winry suggested gently, even as they very firmly turned her back toward the house. 

"Yeah. Not fair if you're spewin' blood at us at the same time as you're whoopin' our arses," Ed agreed with false cheer, before stepping forward to catch the door, holding it open for Winry and Izumi. 

"Don't want to have to wash it out of your clothing anyway," Izumi muttered, and she sounded so _tired_. Like she was only making the retort because it was expected. 

Winry glanced up at Ed and found her heartbreak reflected in his eyes. 

"You know," Ed offered, his smile looking like it was pasted into place, "there's an array for that." 

Izumi's glare was every bit as strong as she wasn't, and Winry felt a little bit more hopeful at that show that she hadn't given up yet. 

"What," she hissed, blood staining her lips and teeth and making her look even more terrifying than usual, "have I told you about using alchemy for _chores_?" 

"Not to!" Ed sang back, before ducking hurriedly around them, well out of Izumi's range, and turning back the quilt on her and Sig's bed. 

"Most disobedient little shit I know," Izumi muttered, and Winry managed a small grin at that. 

"I'm a perfectly normal size!" Ed insisted, and Winry's grin felt a little easier. 

Izumi opened her mouth to say something back, but what came out was a cough, and blood sprayed over the floor and parts of the quilt. 

"Sure you don't want me to clean that the easy way?" Ed asked, forced humour in his words. 

"We'll handle it," Winry insisted when Izumi frowned down at the blood. "You just lay down for a bit." 

Izumi finally let herself be helped into bed, and Winry checked the pill bottle Doc Richardson had left while Ed helped fluff her pillows and bit and tucked her in with the unstained blankets. 

Since the directions on the bottle said Izumi should take one in the event of a flare-up, Winry quickly shook out a pill and handed it over with water. "Take this, okay? And then get a bit of rest while we go back to beatin' each other up. And one of us'll come wake you in an hour or so." 

"Fine," Izumi grumbled once she'd taken the pill, holding the water glass out for Winry to take. "Don't start slacking because I'm not out there." 

"Wouldn't dream of it," Winry promised, hopefully loud enough to cover Ed's snort. 

The glare Izumi shot him said she hadn't quite managed it. 

Ed retreated with the stained quilt, and came back before Winry could leave with stuff to clean up the blood on the floor, so they double-teamed that, then left Izumi to her nap. 

" _Fuck_ ," Ed said once the door to her room had been closed behind them. 

"Yeah," Winry whispered, swallowing back tears. 

He squeezed her shoulder, then took a deep breath, straightened, and pasted on a wide grin that _almost_ looked real. "I'm gonna whoop your girlfriend's _arse_ ," he promised. And he _almost_ sounded right. Close enough to fool Lan Fan, maybe even Al, but Winry knew him too well. 

She also knew he was _right_ , so she forced into place her own wide grin, flashing teeth, and shot back, "Maybe in your _dreams_." 

They stepped back outside, bickering, and Winry caught Al's shoulders slumping with relief, and Lan Fan relaxing a bit, and she knew that they, at least, bought that everything would be okay. 

It was for the best. 

-0-

They did not, in fact, wake Izumi in an hour or so. Instead, after filling Sig in, it was decided she was better left to sleep through lunch, and then he sent them all out with a list of errands, so he was the only one there to face Izumi's wrath when she woke on her own. (Sig, Winry was fairly certain, was secretly a saint.) 

That night, after they'd retired to Winry's room, Lan Fan caught her arm and quietly asked, "Are you okay?" 

Winry stared at her for a long moment, swallowing what might have been a sob, and then shook her head, because it was pretty obvious, she thought, that she wasn't actually doing that well. 

"Your mother?" Lan Fan suggested gently. 

It seemed so _odd_ to hear Izumi called that, though it was far from the first time, and Winry had been known to refer to her as her mum, just to avoid having to explain her origins to people who couldn't _hope_ to understand what it meant to be one of the only three survivors of a tragedy. And, legally, Izumi _was_ their mother, adopted though she was, and Winry couldn't never be more grateful that she'd been willing to take them in, even after everything. But, when she thought the word 'mother', it was her mum that she envisioned, not Izumi, so there was always a bit of a mental jog she had to do. 

Winry nodded, then shook her head, then huffed a bit and rubbed at her eyes as she let herself drop tiredly back onto her bed. "Izumi, a bit," she admitted quietly. And then, remembering Ed's suggestion the night before, offered, "But, also, working on Ed's automail..." She shrugged a bit and peeked up at Lan Fan through her fingers. "I helped, with his surgery. I just...dreamt about it. Last night." 

Understanding lit Lan Fan's eyes, and she sat down next to Winry, drawing her into a hug. "It is painful, the surgery?" she asked, though her tone said she'd already heard enough horror stories to have a pretty good idea. 

"It's agony," Winry whispered, seeing again – always, forever, _this was her punishment_ – the way Ed's face had contorted, nothing but _pain_ in every line. "I had to help hold him down, 'cause you can't connect the nerves with anaesthesia, and it's– the pain, it would wake you up, so they can't–" She choked, squeezed her eyes shut, and Ed's face was waiting behind her eyelids, twisted in pain, and she could _almost_ feel the way he'd been _so tense_ under her– 

Lips pressed against hers, and Winry gasped against Lan Fan's mouth, eyes opening wide and tears rolling down her cheeks as they came loose. The memories, though, faded back into the darkest reaches of her subconscious as Lan Fan pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. "The past," she said quietly, carefully, like she was weighing each word before she spoke it, checking to ensure it was the one she wanted, "is the past. It cannot be undone. But it can stay in the past, as you are not. You are here, now, with me. With your brothers, who are not in pain, who are awake. Focus on this." 

Winry stared at her, turning that idea over in her mind. It wasn't quite perfect, because the past would always haunt her present, could be found in the empty space when Mum and Dad and Granny should have been, in the gleam of steel that Ed always tried to keep hidden, and in the shadows lurking in the night, little black hands ever out of reach. 

But she thought, for the moment, that she could manage to forget those nightmares and focus on what was in front of her. Because, yes, Al was awake and Ed had two arms and two legs and he still hated milk and hated how short he was, even though he wasn't that short any more. And Winry had this beautiful, kind, _perfect_ girl sitting next to her, and maybe she didn't deserve to find happiness, but she wouldn't be human if she didn't at least _try_. 

So she smiled, and cupped Lan Fan's face, and said, "I love you, you know." 

And Lan Fan went bright red, her eyes opening wide, and stuttered, "W-w-wh-at?!" 

Winry laughed and kissed her and felt, for that moment, that everything would be okay.

.


End file.
